In a move that has raised more than a few eyebrows in Hollywood, actors Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson have announced their latest endeavor: Nostalgia Studios. With a hefty investment of $500 million, the duo aims to transport audiences back to a cinematic era where values were as traditional as black-and-white movies.

“We’re tired of all this modern nonsense,” remarked Wahlberg, sporting a slicked-back hairstyle reminiscent of the 1950s. “We want to bring back the good old days when men were men, women were homemakers, and every problem could be solved with a firm handshake.”

Gibson, sporting a fedora and smoking a pipe for added effect, chimed in, “Exactly! None of this CGI nonsense or moral ambiguity. Our films will have clear heroes, dastardly villains, and endings you can see coming from a mile away.”