the transgender swimmer who sparked controversy, is losing all her medals. But fear not, folks, because they’re not just disappearing into thin air. Nope, they’re being ceremoniously returned to Riley Gaines, the swimmer who came second but now gets the golden glory.
In a statement dripping with irony, the NCAA declared that they’re all about fairness and equality, so why not give Riley a chance to bask in the shimmering spotlight of victory? After all, she probably didn’t expect to win when competing against someone with literal superhuman strength, right?

Meanwhile, Lia Thomas is presumably swimming in a pool of confusion, wondering where her shiny medals went. Maybe she can use them as paperweights or doorstops—anything to soften the blow of being on the receiving end of this hilarious medal shuffle. As for Riley, well, she’s probably just grateful for the unexpected windfall of swimming bling.