In a groundbreaking turn of events, the Philadelphia Eagles have unanimously decided to stand during the National Anthem. This stunning display of conformity and refusal to rock the boat truly demonstrates their commitment to maintaining the status quo.

Gone are the days of players taking a knee to raise awareness about social injustices. Instead, the Eagles have bravely chosen to stand tall, showing their unwavering dedication to… well, not much at all. Who needs activism and speaking out when you can just blend in with the crowd and avoid any potential controversy?

The act of standing during the anthem has long been celebrated as the epitome of patriotism. Because, let’s face it, nothing says “I love my country” like obediently following a ritual without questioning its deeper meaning or considering the issues plaguing our society.

Why bother using their platform to shed light on systemic inequalities or police brutality when they can simply maintain a comfortable silence? After all, tackling those complex issues might require uncomfortable conversations and real action. It’s much easier to just stand, put on a helmet, and focus solely on the game at hand.

Who needs social progress, right? The Eagles have clearly recognized that taking a knee during the anthem is just too controversial and might upset some fans. Why risk alienating anyone when they can enjoy the adoration of the masses by blending seamlessly into the sea of standing bodies?

This momentous decision by the Eagles should be celebrated as a triumph of apathy and a resounding victory for maintaining the status quo. The team has shown us all that sometimes, inaction is the best course of action. Bravo, Eagles, for your unwavering commitment to doing… well, absolutely nothing.