The announcement of Anthony’s triumph was met with a collective eye-roll from music enthusiasts and a puzzled shrug from Swift herself. “I didn’t even know he was having a concert,” she confessed, clearly bemused by the whole affair. Indeed, Anthony’s “Without Even Trying” approach seemed to involve zero promotion, rehearsal, or even a basic understanding of how concerts work.

The venue, chosen seemingly at random, turned out to be a local laundromat. Patrons expecting a mundane evening of spin cycles and fabric softener were instead treated to Anthony’s unique blend of off-key singing and awkward dance moves. Witnesses described the scene as “unforgettable” in the way a root canal is unforgettable.

The audience, comprising mostly confused laundry-doers, broke into sporadic applause whenever Anthony paused between songs to catch his breath. Some even mistook his erratic movements for avant-garde performance art, though it was more likely a result of stepping on a wayward sock.

Critics have dubbed the event “the concert that wasn’t,” highlighting Anthony’s ability to redefine success by achieving the absolute minimum. One critic quipped, “Move over, Mozart; Oliver Anthony is the true maestro of mediocrity.”

As the final notes of the impromptu concert (if it can be called that) faded away, Anthony expressed his gratitude to the non-existent fanbase. “I’d like to thank everyone who didn’t bother showing up. Your absence made this record-breaking event possible,” he declared with a straight face, blissfully unaware that breaking records usually involves more than apathy and misplaced enthusiasm.

In a world obsessed with talent and dedication, Oliver Anthony stands as a beacon of unintentional satire, proving that sometimes, success is just a matter of showing up, even if you have no idea why you’re there.